MIGRAINES
So, migraines + pregnancy = an exercise in torture.
I knew I would have to endure some headaches when/if I got pregnant, but I had no idea how awful they would be. I have had migraines since I will a little kid. Since before they diagnosed little kids with migraines. I guess since I have had them for so long, for the last 10 years or so I have foolishly forgotten how sucky they are because I have been able to control mine -- these magical little pills called triptans have always been there to take care of a headache if one came up.
Well, triptans + growing fetus = very bad idea. So I am basically on my own when a migraine arises. I became very aware of this over the last few days as I have had a migraine to end all migraines. Like curled up into a little ball - can't do anything but cry and throw up - want to jump off the building if it would give me relief - can't even see straight migraine. I am not sure I have ever been so miserable in my whole life.
I talked my RE and my in laws (who are OBs) and they both said the same thing -- the only thing safe to take is Tylenol, Benadryl, and a moderate amount of caffeine. When you have headaches like mine this is interpreted as "you might as well not take anything." They did say that if it got absolutely unbearable I could have a narcotic called in but they do not like to do this and it should be a last case scenario.
Not wanting to in any way jeopardize this baby that I have worked so hard to create, I suffered. As much as I have suffered with a headache in a very long time. Luckily, I FINALLY got some relief last Monday night. But now, I am really scared of having another one. I am not sure how many more of those I can endure.
NIAW
So this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. For months now, I have been planning on coming out about my IF during this week. The one thing I didn't plan on was being secretly pregnant. Now it doesn't feel right.
Since no one knows we are pregnant I feel like coming out about my IF without telling the whole story would be deceptive. I am really torn about what to do. I am also afraid that if I come out on FB people who kind of know my story will start asking questions that I am not ready to answer -- What are you guys doing this cycle? What is the plan? How many more are you planning to do? etc. The answer to all of the questions is that for today at least, I am pregnant. But I am way too early and still way too scared to tell people that answer.
I don't know what I will do yet. Part of me still wants to come out and part of me wants to wait until we announce the pregnancy (assuming we get that far) and then say something about the long struggle we went through to get there.
OTHER RANDOMNESS
Some random things for this Wednesday morning . . .
- I am shamelessly watching the reality show True Tori about Tori Spelling and her husband Dean's troubled marriage. It is like a train wreck -- so bad but I can't stop watching.
- I have been having the most vivid dreams -- I know this is common in pregnancy. But mine are all bad dreams. People I love dying, or like last night I dreamt my husband left me and got his own apartment. I don't know why all of my crazy vivid dreams are so terrible. It is upsetting. Maybe it is my fears about being pregnant subconsciously being put into dreams? Who knows, but I am not a fan.
- So my cravings for cheese pizza are subsiding and I have now moved onto chips and salsa. At least salsa has veggies, right?!
- I am SO tired all the time. Partly because of the pregnancy hormones, but partly because between the bad dreams and peeing 10 times a night I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week or more. The joys of being pregnant.
Anyways, that is all I have for today. :)
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