Mixed Emotions

My emotions are really hard to describe lately. 

We had our first ultrasound yesterday and it was absolutely amazing.  We got to hear the heartbeat and see the beautiful little flicker.  I burst into tears as soon as I heard that sound.  It was overwhelming.  Little "Wolf.gang" has a nice strong heartbeat at 144 bpm and is measuring at 7w4d.  They moved my due date up to November 29.  DH and I left the doctor's office yesterday simply elated.  Of course, we will have a long way to go, and lots could still go wrong but I am going to cherish the good days! 

On the other hand, my excitement and joy is somewhat tempered by sadness for the so many people I know really struggling right now, and my guilt for moving on without them.  So many people have been through so much more than I have.  Why am I here and they are not?   I think it was Say1009 who posted something a while back on her blog about getting pregnant after IF being like a marathon.  http://abedilife.blogspot.com/2014/01/12-weeks-plum.html  That those of us who manage to get KU don't cross the finish line but turn around to cheer on our friends who are still running the race. 

The analogy really hits home with me as I struggle with the mixed emotions of being happy with where we are at vs. the guilt of knowing that so many of my dearest friends continue to struggle. 

If you are reading this and you are still running the marathon, please know that I love you each so much and I am cheering for you, crying with you, and hoping with every fiber of my being that we will all cross the finish line together. 

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Baby is the size of a blueberry...

How far along: 7 weeks

Physical symptoms: Nausea!  And constipation.  Ugh.   

Total Weight Gain/Loss: +2.  Not as bad as I was expecting.   

Maternity clothes: Nope.   

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Good with the exception of waking up to pee at least 3 times a night.  

Best moment last week. Hearing the amazing sound!   

Movement: Obviously not.

Food cravings: This week it has been McDonald's cheeseburgers.  Why can't I crave something healthy like veggies or fruit?!

Gender: No idea.  DH told me yesterday he just feels in his gut like it is a girl. 

Labor signs: uh, no.  

Belly button: Same as always.

What I miss: Still Zu.mba.   

What I am looking forward to: Next Ultrasound in 2 weeks.

Milestones: I am still pregnant and for today baby has a healthy heartbeat!