IF Brain Never Goes Away, Does It?

So I have noticed that my IF brain has been different in every trimester.  In the first trimester I was so terrified of miscarrying that I almost couldn't enjoy being pregnant.  Like as soon as I started to get excited I was sure it would all be taken away.  

Then second tri came and it became easier and easier to become happy about this.  To accept that this is happening.  After the anatomy scan when I realized baby girl was growing just like she should, my IF brain somewhat quieted.  I breathed a little easier.  I started to really enjoy being pregnant.  

But now that third tri is here, I feel the anxiety coming back.  In the first tri the fear was miscarrying.  In third tri the fear becomes preterm labor.  I am pretty sure the weight of the baby is pressing on my bladder and all weekend I felt like I was going to pee myself every time I moved.  Of course, IF brain reared its head and I have been so worried that maybe something is wrong.  Maybe it is not urine but instead I am leaking fluids or starting preterm labor.  What if something is wrong?  What is I made it this far only to have it all taken away?  

I find myself analyzing pains and stretching and wondering whether they might be the start of contractions.  Worrying about every symptoms or lack thereof like I did in first tri.  

Maybe part of me still can't believe this is real.  That this could actually be happening.  That this pregnancy has been relatively smooth and uneventful. Maybe it is old habits wondering when the other shoe will drop -- When this will start to actually feel like my life.  I think it has taken me off guard some since second tri seemed relatively carefree.  Sure there are always those thoughts in the back of your head, but second tri seemed to be the time where I could relax a little.   

Today I am trying my best to believe that baby girl is growing just fine and that she will stay in there until she is perfectly healthy and ready to join us in the outside world.   I am waiting anxiously for my first growth scan next week with my MFM.  I haven't seen her since 20 weeks so I think seeing her and checking that all is well will help ease my fears.

Not much point to this other than to get it off my chest.  If you made it all the way through that long rambling, you deserve a cookie.  :)